First of all, let's celebrate. I finished!!! My 2012 one word "finish" was on my mind, and I did finish the race.
I want to also give thanks. Without the goal of this half marathon, I would have never entered training. And with training came: a newfound love for running, an AMAZING group of Christian women that I got to know or know better and share this experience with (could NOT have done it without them), a strength and confidence within myself to do things I never thought I could do, greater faith, a process that not only taught me more about myself but especially more about God and drew me closer to Him, and countless other things that I am so extremely grateful for and wouldn't give up for the world.
As you may be guessing, the race didn't go as well as I had hoped. What happened a little over halfway through wasn't at all what I expected... but as this entire journey has taught me, it's all about the process...
The beginning of the run was great. There were close to 3,000 people out there, and the excitement was almost tangible. With a sea of bobbing heads in front of us, my friends and I started out in the dark, around the Loop at the beach that we have run so many times before. It was going well, despite the fact that I had only run about 3 miles total in the past two weeks since getting sick. I was pacing to finish at a time that I would have been very happy with (but not overdoing it). The marathon was an incredible thing to experience and be a part of. I'll never forget it! People cheering on the side were a huge encouragement, and God made His presence known from the start (one example, the sign at the Wrightsville Beach Baptist Church: "Run with endurance, eyes fixed on Jesus."). The feeling of being out there is unlike anything else—such a positive vibe. I loved it!
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| Shawndra, me, and Allison |
At mile 5, I saw my husband and was still doing well. It was awesome to see him among all the people in the crowd, and I couldn't believe that in less than 10 miles I would be a half-marathoner! We ran down Military Cutoff Road and eventually turned into Landfall. We met a man who was 65 years old and was currently running his 112th marathon (wow). There were so many motivating, funny, and encouraging quotes on the backs of t-shirts, and though the crowd had thinned out, it was still very exciting and also fun to be running in a new territory.
Then, somewhere around mile 8 or so, I started feeling really "off"...
I don't think I was as well going into it as I may have been telling myself. After fighting off sickness the week before the race, I knew I wasn't 100 percent. What I didn't expect, however, was how bad it would affect me. What's strange is that people have run not at 100 percent before and done fine, plus I really wasn't feeling all that bad within a couple days prior. But whatever was left in me (either a cold or a sinus infection or whatever it was) completely clobbered me during the run. I'm thinking that HAD to be the cause because it only began around mile 8, so what happened couldn't have been a result of exhaustion from the distance; I've done that mileage plenty by now...
I began to feel very weak and tired. I came down with full-body chills, a horrible headache, nausea, numbness, light-headedness, and nearly blacked out several times. Against my pride and fighting everything within myself to keep running, I began walking somewhere between miles 8 and 9. As miserable as I was feeling, I could have burst into tears right then and there just for walking.
My goal all along has been to finish without walking. Every mile farther in our long runs, every week I built up my endurance more, I could only think about reaching the day of running a full 13.1 miles. After hitting 12, though it wasn't a piece of cake, I had run at a good pace and felt like I could even give more at the end if I had to. The way we had been increasing by a mile each week, I KNEW I was right on point for running a half. That's what's so frustrating... knowing I could do it on any other given day at that point (if I were not sick or whatever in the world caused this to happen). I have never experienced those symptoms before on a run ever, not even during our 12-miler. It was a very different feeling than just being tired from running a long distance, and it was not my blood sugar. I hadn't changed my eating, and I hydrated very well the day before. The only way I can describe it is feeling like I had the flu!
I walked on and off for the rest of the race. I knew something was definitely wrong when I had walked for a good half mile or more and still couldn't run the rest. I had to keep walking intermittently. I was completely miserable physically and couldn't understand what was happening. The feelings I described only continued getting worse, and in all honesty, I probably should have dropped out somewhere around mile 10.
The only good part about those last three miles was seeing my family at mile 11. I was struggling to run a little bit at that point, but seeing Trey, my mom, my sister, and my nephew James was like a huge ray of sunshine through the clouds (literally).
My official chip time was 2:34:08.
I don't mean to sound dramatic, but crossing the finish was probably one of the most anti-climatic experiences of my life. With the build-up to this race, it's one of those moments you anticipate being so amazing and so worth the challenge. I think I had mine after our 12-mile run (the giddy exhaustion, extreme happiness and being so proud of such an accomplishment, and even the emotion that comes with it)—so I'll have to take it whether it was the "day of" or not. :)
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| medal in hand |
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| inside the medical tent |
It's almost like yesterday was just a dream, and I'm still about to do the half sometime soon... I'm still in a bit of disbelief over what happened. I think when you train for something so hard and for so long, and all along the way you are picturing what it will be like to reach your goal, and then you don't meet it (or it doesn't turn out as planned), it is just hard to swallow. You can never know when you are going to get sick or when circumstances will happen that are beyond your control. It's a little hard, too, when everyone else running from our group had such a successful run. (Please don't get me wrong: I am soooo happy for them!!!!) So today I am working on accepting what happened yesterday and trying not to be too bummed about it. I am INCREDIBLY grateful for all the love and support my friends and family have shown me. They are unbelievably encouraging, and I couldn't ask for more amazing people in my life!!! They are definitely helping me see things for what they are, and I have felt a lot of peace from their words.
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| Mom and I the night before the race. |
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| The letter written by my husband that was waiting on me when I got home. |
Looking back, I can't believe I even finished in the condition I was in. I wish I had an answer for it, and maybe it really was because I was coming off of being sick, but sometimes in life we don't get answers. It's not always fair, and there will be disappointments. But I am so happy to have taken this journey, to have had the courage to start, and to have learned from it. It was a great experience, and if you're wondering... HECK YES, I am going to do another one! Are you kidding?! I've got to redeem this and meet my goal. :) A friend gave great advice today: don't let this experience scare you. I can't think about not being able to finish without walking the next time I give it a go... (Besides, I don't even know what to do with myself now that training is over. You mean, I'm not having to do my three short runs this week?? That doesn't seem right!)
I think about the verse on the back of our T-shirts, and I think that the "race set before us" is so much bigger than just one day or one dream. It is a lifelong process through which we are to persevere, with ups and downs, bumps and achievements. When I look back overall, the real victory is within. And for THAT journey I am so thankful there is no finish... it will always be a process. :)
"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me." ~2 Corinthians 12:9
"For in Him we live and move and have our being." ~Acts 17:28
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