A girl can dream...

Now that the Wrightsville Beach marathon is over (a.k.a. my slice of humble pie for the year), I've been thinking a lot about "what's next."  That's the funny thing about big events like this in life: You build up so much anticipation, and you work so hard to prepare, and then it's over in the blink of an eye.  Same thing with your wedding day.  While it's true that the whole process is a journey that never ends, and a one-day event does not make or break your love for it or whether or not you keep it up, with running it definitely makes it fun (and motivating!) to have something specific you're working toward.

I have heard that after you get the "running bug" and do your first race, triathlons are typically what catch your interest next.  But I am so into running itself right now that I really can't see adding anything else to it at this point!


In fact, there are several specific races currently on my mind and on my "must-do" list...

#1.  The Big Sur Half Marathon.  A scenic 13.1 miles along the Pacific Coast "that winds through historic downtown Monterey, along Cannery Row, and proceeds along Pacific Grove's coastline with incredible views of the Monterey Bay."  This is a HUGE race with thousands of people.  Hence: "Half-marathon participants will be seeded in corrals according to predicted finish time, and the race will start in 12 waves."  Plus, how do you beat this location?!  This one just recently jumped to the top of my list... it HAS TO HAPPEN at some point. :)


#2.  The Cooper River Bridge Run.  A legendary 10K (6 miles) that takes place in gorgeous Charleston, and you get to run over the incredible Cooper River Bridge Run with thousands of people.  What's not to love???


#3.  The Tarheel Ten-Miler.  A 10-mile course through downtown Chapel Hill and the UNC campus.  Not to mention you dress up in your best game-day attire.  Um... Of COURSE this one has to happen! :)


Most likely, next up for me will be the Diva Half Marathon in Myrtle Beach, this coming May.  This is still undecided, and I still need to work a few things out, but my current trajectory has the Diva sitting potentially in its path.  This would be my "redemption marathon."  I would want to get this one under my belt to have finished a half without walking (dropping the time goal again for now), assuming I am all well.  I'm excited to jump back into training (starting today, actually!) and work back up in mileage.  I've just realized this means I'll have been in marathon training from late December through May... whew!   


It's fun to dream.  It's fun to think big and to give it your best.  Even better is to realize that the greatest part of it all was setting in your mind to do something and then actually going for it.  I want my life to be completely in God's will for me and completely for His glory.  THAT should be our ultimate dream.  The catch is remaining open to how He might shift those plans we make, either to reveal something about Himself to us, teach us, stretch us, or draw us closer to Him.  Boy have I re-learned some great lessons over this past week.  We must hold loosely to the plans we make for ourselves.  We can use the blessings and abilities He has given us, but we must accept them for what they are: gifts.  And when He steers us in a direction we never would have planned, we must trust that the One who sees the bigger picture is the One who is blowing the wind in our sails... while we grasp to hold on to the wheel below, not seeing the ocean for the deck.  Until, one day, we find ourselves in a place BETTER than the one we had imagined...  We can only hope to be so blessed.

It's not over...

Why hello!

The marathon is finished... You were probably not expecting to hear from me again.

But...

It's not over. :)

If I've learned anything through all this, it's that everything is just beginning!  This week I am still trying to shake whatever got me down (sore throat keeps trying to come back, and I'm still a bit off), but I went for a small run today for the first time since Sunday.  It was a struggle, I'm not gonna lie.  And I will tell you one thing: Running in 80-degree heat is a whole new ballgame.  (Actually got tan lines from my tank top and shorts—that didn't happen in February!).  But I am determined to get back in the game.

Or shall we say... back on track?

I'm considering registering for the Diva Half Marathon in May in Myrtle Beach.  Half marathon #2 in less than two months...!  It's a girls-only race and looks like tons of fun.  I have a couple girlfriends interested in running it as well, so of course we'd have to make a weekend out of it... :)

Stay tuned!  I can't wait to get well and get back into training (and be encouraged by both).  I'm determined to cross that finish and redeem my 13.1—but I'm most excited to continue the journey.  I'll put up the countdown once it's official.  Thanks for reading and for your support!

Recap

Man oh man... It's over.  I have a huge mix of emotions about yesterday...

First of all, let's celebrate.  I finished!!!  My 2012 one word "finish" was on my mind, and I did finish the race.

I want to also give thanks.  Without the goal of this half marathon, I would have never entered training.  And with training came: a newfound love for running, an AMAZING group of Christian women that I got to know or know better and share this experience with (could NOT have done it without them), a strength and confidence within myself to do things I never thought I could do, greater faith, a process that not only taught me more about myself but especially more about God and drew me closer to Him, and countless other things that I am so extremely grateful for and wouldn't give up for the world.

As you may be guessing, the race didn't go as well as I had hoped.  What happened a little over halfway through wasn't at all what I expected... but as this entire journey has taught me, it's all about the process...

The beginning of the run was great.  There were close to 3,000 people out there, and the excitement was almost tangible.  With a sea of bobbing heads in front of us, my friends and I started out in the dark, around the Loop at the beach that we have run so many times before.  It was going well, despite the fact that I had only run about 3 miles total in the past two weeks since getting sick.  I was pacing to finish at a time that I would have been very happy with (but not overdoing it).  The marathon was an incredible thing to experience and be a part of.  I'll never forget it!  People cheering on the side were a huge encouragement, and God made His presence known from the start (one example, the sign at the Wrightsville Beach Baptist Church: "Run with endurance, eyes fixed on Jesus.").  The feeling of being out there is unlike anything else—such a positive vibe.  I loved it!

Shawndra, me, and Allison

At mile 5, I saw my husband and was still doing well.  It was awesome to see him among all the people in the crowd, and I couldn't believe that in less than 10 miles I would be a half-marathoner!  We ran down Military Cutoff Road and eventually turned into Landfall.  We met a man who was 65 years old and was currently running his 112th marathon (wow).  There were so many motivating, funny, and encouraging quotes on the backs of t-shirts, and though the crowd had thinned out, it was still very exciting and also fun to be running in a new territory.

Then, somewhere around mile 8 or so, I started feeling really "off"...

I don't think I was as well going into it as I may have been telling myself.  After fighting off sickness the week before the race, I knew I wasn't 100 percent.  What I didn't expect, however, was how bad it would affect me.  What's strange is that people have run not at 100 percent before and done fine, plus I really wasn't feeling all that bad within a couple days prior.  But whatever was left in me (either a cold or a sinus infection or whatever it was) completely clobbered me during the run.  I'm thinking that HAD to be the cause because it only began around mile 8, so what happened couldn't have been a result of exhaustion from the distance; I've done that mileage plenty by now...

I began to feel very weak and tired.  I came down with full-body chills, a horrible headache, nausea, numbness, light-headedness, and nearly blacked out several times.  Against my pride and fighting everything within myself to keep running, I began walking somewhere between miles 8 and 9.  As miserable as I was feeling, I could have burst into tears right then and there just for walking.

My goal all along has been to finish without walking.  Every mile farther in our long runs, every week I built up my endurance more, I could only think about reaching the day of running a full 13.1 miles.  After hitting 12, though it wasn't a piece of cake, I had run at a good pace and felt like I could even give more at the end if I had to.  The way we had been increasing by a mile each week, I KNEW I was right on point for running a half.  That's what's so frustrating... knowing I could do it on any other given day at that point (if I were not sick or whatever in the world caused this to happen).  I have never experienced those symptoms before on a run ever, not even during our 12-miler.  It was a very different feeling than just being tired from running a long distance, and it was not my blood sugar.  I hadn't changed my eating, and I hydrated very well the day before.  The only way I can describe it is feeling like I had the flu!

I walked on and off for the rest of the race.  I knew something was definitely wrong when I had walked for a good half mile or more and still couldn't run the rest.  I had to keep walking intermittently.  I was completely miserable physically and couldn't understand what was happening.  The feelings I described only continued getting worse, and in all honesty, I probably should have dropped out somewhere around mile 10.

The only good part about those last three miles was seeing my family at mile 11.  I was struggling to run a little bit at that point, but seeing Trey, my mom, my sister, and my nephew James was like a huge ray of sunshine through the clouds (literally).

Soon after that, I returned to walking and felt awful physically.  Inside, I felt defeated.  Continuing on to the end took every bit of strength and willpower I had inside of me.  I felt a small rush of relief when some adrenaline kicked in about a quarter mile from the end, just from knowing I was so close.  I was "running" (slowly) when I crossed the finish, but I was so out of it at that point, I couldn't enjoy it.  I think that is one thing I am most sad about: not having that awesome moment at the finish line that everyone talks about.  I immediately started feeling like I was seriously about to pass out again and stumbled straight to the medical tent where I had to lay for about 15 minutes.

My official chip time was 2:34:08.

I don't mean to sound dramatic, but crossing the finish was probably one of the most anti-climatic experiences of my life.  With the build-up to this race, it's one of those moments you anticipate being so amazing and so worth the challenge.  I think I had mine after our 12-mile run (the giddy exhaustion, extreme happiness and being so proud of such an accomplishment, and even the emotion that comes with it)—so I'll have to take it whether it was the "day of" or not. :)

medal in hand

inside the medical tent

It's almost like yesterday was just a dream, and I'm still about to do the half sometime soon... I'm still in a bit of disbelief over what happened.  I think when you train for something so hard and for so long, and all along the way you are picturing what it will be like to reach your goal, and then you don't meet it (or it doesn't turn out as planned), it is just hard to swallow.  You can never know when you are going to get sick or when circumstances will happen that are beyond your control.  It's a little hard, too, when everyone else running from our group had such a successful run.  (Please don't get me wrong: I am soooo happy for them!!!!)  So today I am working on accepting what happened yesterday and trying not to be too bummed about it.  I am INCREDIBLY grateful for all the love and support my friends and family have shown me.  They are unbelievably encouraging, and I couldn't ask for more amazing people in my life!!!  They are definitely helping me see things for what they are, and I have felt a lot of peace from their words.

Mom and I the night before the race.

The letter written by my husband that was waiting on me when I got home.

Looking back, I can't believe I even finished in the condition I was in.  I wish I had an answer for it, and maybe it really was because I was coming off of being sick, but sometimes in life we don't get answers.  It's not always fair, and there will be disappointments.  But I am so happy to have taken this journey, to have had the courage to start, and to have learned from it.  It was a great experience, and if you're wondering... HECK YES, I am going to do another one!  Are you kidding?!  I've got to redeem this and meet my goal. :)  A friend gave great advice today: don't let this experience scare you.  I can't think about not being able to finish without walking the next time I give it a go...  (Besides, I don't even know what to do with myself now that training is over.  You mean, I'm not having to do my three short runs this week??  That doesn't seem right!)

I think about the verse on the back of our T-shirts, and I think that the "race set before us" is so much bigger than just one day or one dream.  It is a lifelong process through which we are to persevere, with ups and downs, bumps and achievements.  When I look back overall, the real victory is within.  And for THAT journey I am so thankful there is no finish... it will always be a process. :)

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me." ~2 Corinthians 12:9


"For in Him we live and move and have our being." ~Acts 17:28

Today...

... I will run a half marathon.

It's here!

I can't believe it's already here... The half marathon is tomorrow!!!

Today has been fun.  I am nervous and excited all at once.  My confidence was definitely shaken over the last week and half after not running much and being sick.  Unbelievably, I am STILL blowing my nose even today (ew, sorry), and I can still feel it in my chest that I am just not where I was two weeks ago (wellness-wise).  After seeing how my (short) short runs went on Thursday and Friday, I've decided I need to let go of any time goal I had begun to set for myself and just concentrate on finishing—without stopping or walking.  And I am OK with that.  I look forward to having fun with something we have been anticipating for so long.  I am going to give it my all with what I've got at this point in time, and by the grace of God I will finish 13.1 miles!!!

There has been so much love and support from family and friends today.  I received a very sweet and encouraging e-mail from my father-in-law this morning, and I also received a very sweet and encouraging card in the mail from my brother-in-law.  My mom is on her way now (to stay with us tonight and be there tomorrow), and my sister is making the trip in one day tomorrow to be there early and see me finish.  I am overwhelmed and grateful for their sacrifice!!

Of course Trey will be there as well... he's the one getting up BRIGHT and early to get me down to Mayfaire so I can catch one of the trolleys at 5:30a.m. that will take me to the start line down at the beach.  I am working on a little "post-race survival kit" for him to have when I finish:

essentials :)

The Expo this morning was bustling and full of excitement.  Lots of people, lots of vendors, lots of fun!  I picked up my number, which is just one of those things that makes it all start to seem more real...

yay!

And of course there was tons of swag.  Here are just a few of the things I picked up...

loving the tall socks!

This year's official WB Marathon shirt is really cute!

I also met up with a few of the girls I've been training with and picked up my race-day T-shirt.  Our group had shirts made for all of us to wear tomorrow.  (Super cute AND dry-fit... can't lose! ;) )  I love it!!

front

back- Hebrews 12:1

On another note, I'm supposed to be loading up on carbs all weekend to prepare for tomorrow... I knew I picked the right sport!!! ;)  Also trying to stay off my feet now that I'm home today, and drinking lots of water to stay hydrated... tomorrow will be a much warmer day than what we've trained in.  (This mild winter of runs in the '50s has really spoiled us!)  Oh, and I'm tweaking my race playlist.  I need to add a couple more songs to make sure I have about two and half hours worth of music... um, that is crazy. :)

Other than that, I'm just keeping the positive thoughts rolling.  And the adrenaline is definitely already kicking in!  That + the wonderful support from friends and family, aside from (most of all) the grace and strength of God, is going to be what gets me through this race tomorrow.  And if I'm still not feeling 100% come tomorrow morning, well then it's just another opportunity to cross over one more hurdle... making the finish that much sweeter.  Words can't express my gratitude to those who have joined me along this journey—both fellow runners and awesome supporters.  I am beyond grateful for the encouragement, motivation, challenge, advice, accountability, and fellowship that so many have provided.  Thank you, thank you!  Let's do this!!!

the greatest challenge

Today I was feeling much better and decided to try a short run this afternoon for the first time in a week (as I've been saying: maybe I'm not 100% well, but at this point I'm 100% stir crazy!).  I was very nervous about how it would go.  I feel so out of my rhythm!  Not only did I have to sit out on our long run last weekend, but I haven't even run a single short run in exactly seven days.  

Until today.

I have to be honest (a goal for this blog): It wasn't the wonderful, reassuring run that I had hoped for, one that felt great after some time to rest.  In fact, I felt somewhat stiff after a week off and kind of tired/tight in my chest from this cold (or whatEVER it has been!).  Any slight feelings left of being sick were almost amplified, oddly...  

I am putting on my armor in the fight against discouragement.

Maybe a mile and a half was too soon to tell.  Sometimes on long runs, it takes getting past mile three to quit hating it, to work out any initial discomfort, and to really hit your stride.  I've just had all these crazy fears about what taking a week off—plus being sick—is going to do to my endurance.  It may not sound all that bad or very long... but to me it has felt like an eternity!  Obviously I would have tapered back this last week before the race anyway... but not doing anything at ALL (AND being sick) certainly throws darts of doubts into my confidence.  


With ultimate faith placed in God's hands, I have also very much "trusted my training" over the past few months... and have said so several times when I didn't know how in the world I would run another mile farther in our next long run: I just have to trust my training.  Now that my training has been somewhat "taken away," or at least extremely stifled, my trust has to be taken to an all-new level.  IF it's true that what I have done thus far is enough to carry me through, IF it's true that not running at all for a week and being sick on top of that isn't going to alter my endurance whatsoever, then the greatest danger I face after this past week's events is the shaking of my confidence.  And (assuming I am well on Sunday) if it's true that it's not whether you can physically run 13.1 miles but whether or not your MIND can... then my greatest challenge is not the road ahead but myself.  

And so it comes full circle.

The past three months have been an incredible journey.  It's amazing to think that a few weeks before Christmas, a half marathon wasn't even a blip on my radar of dreams.  And yet, now, here we are.  In the beginning, I never dared to even consider myself a "runner."  Somewhere along the way it had to click within me that this was truly possible.  And then chip away one day at a time.  And as much as I have grown to love the running itself (believe it or not), it is actually not at ALL about the running itself...  

I truly believe that every person needs to be challenged in order to be stretched—in order for growth to take place.  There is something about setting a goal (one that is quite worthy when you look at it yet quite doable when you actually put your mind to it), and then working very hard, very deliberately, and very consistently to reach it.  No taking the easy way out or any short cuts—a goal where reaching the end isn't even possible doing those things.  This can be running a marathon or whatever it is in your own life.  Catching a vision for it, gaining the belief in yourself to do it, and then setting your sights on accomplishing it becomes your daily drive.  The Bible says that "where your treasure is, there your heart will be also" (Matthew 6:21).  Our "treasure" may not have to be monetary; perhaps where we make any true investment (of our time, our efforts, our passion), there our hearts will follow.  It's going to include struggle, uncertainty, and resistance.  But there is something in the spirit of a human being that refuses to be crushed without a fight.  There is something in the heart of an American that believes you can do anything you set your mind to and work hard enough for.  And yet there is something else in the soul of every believer that knows the whole "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" is..... well..... baloney. :)

At some point in life, we have to challenged in order to also see God for who He really is—and our utter dependence on Him.  He is not just the motivation and inspiration behind what we do or just the one for whom we strive.  He is the actual source behind our strength.  His power is made perfect in our weakness, and His sovereignty far outweighs the limited scope of our human eyes.  His work in us and His transformative shaping of our hearts becomes a moment-by-moment purpose.  The process then far outweighs what we perceive to be the goal.  Not to diminish or devalue the marathon itself—it is definitely a worthy and impressive achievement in its own right.  But who am I to say, even in training for a marathon, that the marathon itself is the true end goal...?

It makes me wonder if what we perceive as the goal is EVER really the goal.  You study hard in school for six years, earning two degrees... and then graduate to find no jobs hirings in your field.  You arrange your life in such a way as to have the perfect family and then sit and wait for your husband... who has yet to show up.  Or find out that you can't have children.  What then?  And then, and then?  Not at ALL to say that setting goals isn't worth it or that we shouldn't try to attain them.  The marathon has been HUGE for me in this way.  But we have to also look at what God is showing us and teaching us in the moment.  In every moment, even before we "get there."  In what ways is He shaping you for His purpose?  Right now?  What might He be telling you or giving you the opportunity to do otherwise?  We have to look beyond what's right in front of our faces and expand our gaze into His perspective...

Not so easy to do, believe me.  (That's why it's the greatest challenge.)

I know so many people along the way who, whether it was early on or as recent as yesterday, have had to drop out of the race because of health issues.  In fact, I know at LEAST one person with problems in EACH one of the following areas from running: 

knee caps, 

IT bands, 

toenails, 

ankles, 

feet.  

All who began training and now cannot run on Sunday.  I cannot sit here and believe that all of this has been in vain for them.  And so the same has to be true for me.  Even as one who is cleared to run this thing, if I fall out on the floor with the flu on the morning of the race, does that mean it has all been for nothing?  It just can't.

After today I have loosely decided I should probably forgo any kind of time goal and stick to my original race goal: to finish, without stopping or walking.  I must have started getting too cocky with all that "time talk" before this past week.  OK, Lord... I hear ya. ;)  I have no clue what I will feel like come Sunday (hopefully better!) or what the run will be like, but I have to know that my success has been in the journey thus far.  In allowing God to show me new areas in which to trust Him.  In which to teach me more about Him and, in the process, a little about myself, too...

Maybe John Bingham said it best:

"The miracle isn't that I finished.  The miracle is that I had the courage to start."

Zzz's and a Z-pak: my pre-race week

Well, the doctor this morning said I probably have a sinus infection.  He prescribed me with a Z-pak (which I'm thinking is probably better than having a cold and just taking meds to suppress my symptoms—as an antibiotic, I'm hoping it will knock this out very quickly!).  The doctor said that I may not feel 100 percent on Sunday, but he sees no reason why I shouldn't still be able to run the race.  He was actually more concerned about my diabetes—asking about how my sugars have been through my training, if I carry glucose with me on runs, do the people I run with know about it... I was like, Doc, I'm good on all that... Trust me!  I just need to know what to do with this new wrench in the plan!  So I'll be taking the Z-pak this week and getting some rest until I feel well again.  It's looking like I may only get in one or two short runs at the most, and I'm just really hoping that I won't still feel weak or tired on race day (or out of my rhythm with the lack of running).

It's kind of a bummer... but that's the way it goes sometimes.  I learned a long time ago to take it as it comes, and do the best you can with what you've got.  Hope is not lost for a complete turnaround and an awesome 13.1!!!

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us." ~Hebrews 12:1

Oh... and I'm also drinking lots of z'green tea. :)

Antioxidants... work your magic!

one week left—and sick :/

Well, the aforementioned sore throat has officially turned into a cold... and today marks exactly one week until the half.  Perfect.

I came down with it for sure on Friday morning; it's Sunday night, and I am making a doctor's appointment to get an antibiotic tomorrow if I don't feel any better in the morning.  I ended up sitting out on our tapered "long" run on Saturday morning.  Six miles is only a mile or so longer than my short runs, so I felt like it wasn't really going to boost my endurance the way the other long runs have.  I made the call that it would probably be more wise to rest...

Easy for me to type!!!

I have been so "by the book" with this training, I have to admit it scares me a little to get "off track" this close to the race.  I've never done this before, and did not start off as a "runner," so this training's all I got!  Of course, anyone who's done this before would tell me if I've gotten to 12 miles, I'm there.  Not to worry.  A few people have even said that, at this point, the half is "in the bag."  I guess because I still have yet to run a whole 13, and the fact that my body is weakening from being sick, and I'm not going to get in any short runs until I'm well, it's hard for me to remain fully confident that I'll be as prepared on Sunday as I could have been without getting sick...

Logically thinking, the day of the race will only be two weeks since I ran 12 miles... but it already feels like an eternity.  In my mind, the endurance I've worked so hard to build could be slipping away with every passing day.  Dramatic, maybe, but truthful thoughts?  Absolutely.  As this entire journey has shown me, it's just going to have to come down to trusting the training and believing in myself to do it.  With every week gone by, right up until this very last one, it hasn't been "strides of assurance" but strides of faith.  Taking a leap of faith in runner's terminology.  Running the race and pressing on toward the goal, believing not in what is yet seen (crossing that finish line having run the entire time) but in what is not seen (the uncertainty of what will happen that morning).  One thing's for SURE: I have to keep in the forefront of my mind that the journey to the half is where the learning and growth and progress and even success has really taken place.  An imperfect race day will NOT dampen my spirit or make it all in vain.  Now, I may have to find another one to run before the year is over if that's the case, but other than that... ;)  

Praying for all my friends and fellow runners to stay well and injury-free this last week!

inspiration

In about a month and a half, a mission team from our church will be heading over to Kenya.  They will carry with them letters from our sponsors here to the children and youth at Mama Hellen's Rehabilitation Center.  Trey and I have led and participated in multiple missions to Kenya, and we sponsor a young man there named Nicholas.  Each time the time comes for us to write a letter through our sponsorship program, we take turns crafting the framework, and then the other adds their suggestions until we have a mutual piece of our hearts on paper to send over to the other side of the world.  This relationship means so much to us, especially having had the opportunity to meet and spend time with Nicholas.

This time around, it was Trey's turn to write the draft of our letter.  I thought he did a beautiful job of incorporating parts of our own lives into this most recent piece of communication.  So many times we offer encouragement, ask questions, tell a little about what's going on in our lives, and quote Scripture.  But this time Trey also found value in sharing the quite spiritual nature of each of our physical conditions over the past couple months (to opposite ends).  I wanted to share that part of what he wrote as a reminder that through our stories and our circumstances, whether times are good or bad, and whether or not on the surface they appear to be merely physical, God is shaping and growing and molding our hearts to draw closer to Him and to glorify Him—and even, possibly, to impact someone else.  This is our greatest hope for Nicholas.

———

Emily has always been in great physical shape and has recently decided to train for running a half marathon… 13.1 miles.  She has never done that before but has found a great group of other Christian women that have helped motivate and inspire her and even run with her.  The race is on March 18th (which will already have happened by the time you get this) so hopefully and God willing, she has completed something that she never thought she could do.  This is a great example that with God’s help, support and guidance, along with surrounding ourselves with the right people (good Christian friends that can inspire and influence us in a good way) we can accomplish things that we never thought we could do.

Trey recently had some injuries from exercising.  Both of his hamstrings were hurting him.  He was on crutches for 6 weeks!  It was a very difficult time.  He often wondered why this was happening to him, or, if God really cared about him, why He would cause him so much pain. Why wouldn’t God just heal Trey?  But eventually, Trey stopped questioning God about why this was happening to him and started trying to see what God might want him to learn from this situation.  It caused Trey to really think about things like: being thankful that he can walk, stopping to appreciate the little gifts that God gives us, and how he really does need to work on his relationship with God so that he can fully trust God with anything and any situation.  Trey is doing much better now and has grown a lot through this difficult situation.  He realizes that sometimes bad or difficult things that happen to us can be good for us because they can help us grow as a person and grow in our relationship with God if we choose to seek Him no matter what.

———

Nicholas is definitely one that I am running this half marathon "for."  I have faces in my mind while I'm running sometimes, and his is definitely one of them.  Every single boy and girl at that Center has overcome so much.  Their stories of redemption are beyond inspiring.  And we have a God who is right there beside through any one of our challenges—not promising easy but to always be with us.  How could we ever ask for more?  He is everything we need...

jump start

As much as I despise getting up early (and I don't know about you, but for me, 5:30 constitutes "early"), and as much as I despise running on a treadmill (at least since I've started training)... I have to say it felt really good once I was in the gym and running this morning!  What a GREAT way to start the day. :)  What feels even better is knowing that it's already over and done.  I can come home without being sweaty and yucky and needing to shower right away.  I can relax and actually feel good to still be somewhat put together.  Besides our long runs every Saturday morning, I typically run or work out in the afternoon, in that gap between work and dinnertime.  I don't feel safe running alone in the dark, which means it's the gym for me if I go in the mornings—but (thankfully) I may have only run on a treadmill three times tops since I started training.  Today I bumped up the incline and ran a half mile farther than what I would have, all to try and match the effort it would take to run outside (instead of this machine propelling me).  Maybe it's the earlier time, or the shorter distance, but somehow I can go run before eating breakfast on a workday like that.  Breakfast is a MUST before Saturday-morning long runs.

I'm starting to feel the onset of a sore throat and mild cold.  It hasn't gotten worse over the last couple days, but I know something's there.  Just praying I stay well over this next week and a half before the race!  I think at this point, I will run that thing sick or not—haha!  Praying for wellness among all of us!!!

I've also started thinking recently about my time... Now that I'm at this point in my training, and seeing how it's all quite doable, I've wondered about setting a time goal for myself.  As a first-timer, my goal all along has been to "just finish" (and without walking).  I don't think there's anything wrong with adding a time goal, as long as I remember that the training/journey/process has been what means the most—not the day of the half itself.  But I also recognize that in doing so, one of my biggest struggles might be wanting to start too fast.  That was always my struggle in the past: impatience, fighting the mentality of "taking it slow."  There's going to be a lot of adrenaline on race day; I just have to remember how important it is to pace myself—and make myself do it.  (Don't want to give out at the end, especially knowing in my heart of hearts that I can run all 13.1 miles!)  Silly me, after that 12 miles last weekend and the time I finished in, I've been calculating what I could realistically do the half marathon in.  I'm even going to confess something here: I checked out the results from last year's race to see people's times.  Ahh!  I don't know where in the world I get this competitiveness from, but now that I'm this close, it's hard not to challenge myself further with possibilities and upping my standards.  I honestly think if it were just me setting out to run 13.1, my goal would be strictly to finish.  Throw in a bunch of people, and I have to prove that I can keep up.  What is wrong with the human species, lol.  Praise God for keeping me grounded!  My ultimate goal is to give Him the glory.  Always and in everything.

oh Mondays...

Monday short runs stiiiiiink.

I don't know if the run itself knows it's on a Monday, or if one rest day after a long run just doesn't feel like enough... but I do know that even just a 3-miler on a Monday never guarantees good fun!

What I am looking forward to is the good company running with me and the yoga afterward before small group... maybe Mondays aren't all bad. :)  In fact, since I start my workweeks on Sundays, a Monday is really like a Tuesday.  And can we talk about the fact that the race is two weeks from YESTERDAY?!?!  Oh my.  All this talk about days and dates... I think I need to go for a run. ;)

"Awful and Awesome": The Big 12

I cannot believe I can say actually this... I ran 12 miles this morning!!!

(Our route today.)

That is the farthest I've ever run at one time in my life, and it's the farthest we're going to get to in our training before 13.1 on the day of the half.  I have to admit, today was very challenging... but I never could have imagined the many ways God's faithfulness and His presence would be so graciously abundant.  (Apologies in advance for the long post, but I want to document the details of this one... it was a big one in my training and pretty special.)  I will explain...

First of all, today's run almost didn't happen at all.  The forecast was calling for not just rain but bad thunderstorms, as the storms that had caused outbreaks of tornadoes in states west of us were just beginning to roll up to the coast.  Up until the very last minute I would have to leave my house in order to make it down there in time, everyone was conflicted about going or not; a few people even went ahead and rescheduled.  The conversations on our group page on Facebook looked like this...

 

In the end, several of us decided to risk it... and I'm SO GLAD we did!  The rain was pouring for the first half of our run, and there was some crazy wind during the second half, but just getting this one in on schedule was such a relief to me.  I can't imagine trying to fit in 12 miles on a weekday afternoon/evening to make up for it!  (Much, MUCH less on a treadmill.)  Besides the crazy wind and rain, we managed to dodge the severe thunderstorms and stay on track... yeahhh!

Here we are before the run...

Dark clouds but indomitable spirits!!!

I had felt really good all week during my short runs, and I guess that somehow translated to today because I ended up running with a couple girls at a faster pace than what I've been doing on Saturdays.  (One of the great things about training with a big group: getting to know new people!)  At first I was a little nervous about starting 12 miles at a faster pace... but I just felt good and decided to stick it out.  Despite all the rain, that first half of our run was actually pretty great.  I was really enjoying the company, the conversation, and even the challenge of "keeping up."

And then... the downward slope began.

One of the two girls I was with split off from us at around 6 miles to head back (she had pre-determined a shorter distance today because of knee problems), and a mile or so later, the other needed to begin run-walking (alternating between the two).  All of a sudden I found myself all alone.  I was in between the "fast girls" up ahead and two groups behind me.  I had no music (with the forecast the way it was that morning, I had decided to skimp on the electronics for fear of electrocution!).  And I was finding myself starting to burn out after an ambitious start.  Almost the entire way from Johnnie Mercer's Pier to the end of the road at the north end and back was pretty bad: I hit a wall.  I felt like I was in the doldrums.  If you can get that awesome runner's high from a great, feeling-good 5-miler, I'm pretty sure that being stuck in a rut in the middle of a 12-miler can feel every bit of TWICE as bad.  That one stretch was quite possibly the longest 3.5 miles I have ever run.

But halfway down to the north end, something pretty cool happened...  Running down the road alongside some really nice beach houses, I happened to look over once, and that's when I saw the mailbox.  It was a fairly large mailbox, all decked out in coastal decorum.  The numbers of the street address were on the side as you would expect, but it also had the owners' last name in big letters at the top—a last name that gave me chills...

I live right next door to a senior center, and since I work at a church and have Friday/Saturday weekends, I typically spend my Friday mornings visiting the elderly residents inside.  I have been doing this since around September, so I've had the wonderful opportunity of getting to know many of the "regulars" on my list.  Just yesterday, I found out that one of the residents I love to visit passed away the night before (Thursday night).  Mrs. M. was SUCH a sweet lady.  Still sharp in the mind, I loved her for her sweet spirit and the joy she carried despite her circumstances—a rare find.  She was bedridden, and I mean lying-down-flat bedridden, not just confined to her bed.  But the most amazing quality about Mrs. M. was the huge amount of HOPE she always had that she would be able to get up and walk again.  I never knew her without that hope shining through; she was incredible.

Seeing that mailbox with her same last name on it this morning could not have come at a more perfect time; I truly felt like it was from God.  At that point on, all I could think about was Mrs. M.  She would have given anything to walk again—even to stand.  If I was out there to run 12 miles, there was no way I was going to just quit.  I felt like I was doing it for her.  And I didn't want to let her down.  I felt like if I didn't do this now, if instead I said "maybe I'll get there next time," I knew I wasn't necessarily guaranteed a next time.  Why not now?  We can all say "tomorrow" until the tomorrow we wake up at 88 years old.  It gave me a renewed strength and inspired me to say here that no matter what your dream, your one word, or your goal... don't wait, and don't give up!!

Not to say I wasn't exhausted by the time I hit the home stretch... oh my goodness!!!  I wanted to stop so badly.  But I remembered a friend saying to me once, "It's not whether or not your body can run what you set out to do; it's whether your mind can."  So I committed in my mind that I could do it and literally pushed myself through.  Not long after reaching Channel Walk, I caught up to a girl who had been ahead of me and had stopped.  She was obviously super tired.... but we were SO CLOSE!  I asked if she wanted to finish with me, and was very happy when she said yes and was able to get going again.  (Another great thing about running with a big group: You can help motivate and encourage one another along!)

Running up beside Channel Walk back toward our start/finish for our last two miles, the most incredible thing happened.  We were hurting, that's for sure (everything in my body was aching and screaming at me)... but God sent another affirmation of His presence and His faithfulness—make that a double affirmation. :)  The rain had cleared, and suddenly we were staring straight ahead at an absolutely STUNNING double rainbow.  I could not get over how gorgeous it was; everyone at the finish said it's what got them through those last two miles.  I'm SO glad someone in one of the groups behind me got this photo:    

When we got around the trees, you could see that bottom rainbow from end to end, stretching over the Intracoastal Waterway.  It was one of the most beautiful I have ever seen... KENYA beautiful, and I can't even believe I'm saying that!!! ;)

Finishing 12 felt amazing.  Another personal record.  (And I really couldn't believe where I finished among this group of girls I so admire... definitely a faster pace than I have been doing recently!).  It's going to be so helpful (mentally) on race day to know that I was able to do 12 miles without walking.  What's really incredible is to think that just over a couple months ago, right around Christmastime, I was still very hesitant about signing up for this half marathon.  I was unsure of myself as a runner and had never before run more than five miles or so at one time.  The training, where I'm training, and especially who I'm training with has made all the difference.  God is so good and so faithful.  I have Type 1 diabetes, and not once have I had an episode while training—short runs or long.  It absolutely floors me.

I am home now and finally feel somewhat normal, several hours later.  I don't think my body quite knew what to do with what it was feeling after that run... I'm not sure I have EVER been as exhausted or sore.  My husband came home to find me drying my hair on the FLOOR of our bedroom after my shower because I simply couldn't be on my feet anymore... HA!  At one point earlier this afternoon I was sitting on the couch, having had to pee for the last half hour but couldn't bring myself to actually get up.  I am just now feeling like I can MOVE again... What a crazy experience!  But I wouldn't have given this up for the world... not any of it.